Here are the notes and tools you need to help yourself and also to help others. All documents are in Adobe Reader PDF format. For a free Adobe Reader please visit www.adobe.com
Allow
The number one question counselees tend to ask when a major problem or crisis strikes them personally or someone close to them is, “why”? That’s a very normal
response. It is one of the first issues addressed in both the Old and the New Testaments.
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Anger, Unhealthy
God-designed emotions are a gift. They were designed by God at creation and they were declared “good.” They add color to life like the multi-colored
rainbow. They can make life rich and full, but...
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Circles Of Responsibility
The concept of “Circles of Responsibility” is one of the most powerful biblical tools for working through conflict in any relationship. The principle of circles
of responsibility is one of the ways of God for dealing with conflict.
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Biblical Pattern for Reconciliation
What is the Biblical pattern for reconciliation? Recognize and take ownership of all your sin and failures (and confess it as sin). Repent and change direction from
your sin. Rebuild trust that you have destroyed because of your sin. Reconcile on the basis of healing from the hurts caused by the sin.
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Fair Communication Rules
Every relationship is bound to have conflicts which may include an argument or fight. This includes churches, schools, businesses and
families – sons, daughters, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law.
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Forgiveness-Part I-Anger
View one aspect of anger as a benefit. One of the common reasons anger is not viewed in any positive light is that there is so little written, spoken or taught
from a positive perspective.
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Forgiveness-Part II - Revenge
One reason people find it hard to forgive is their deep desire for revenge for past hurts. Feelings of the need for revenge can be the back door to bring
about forgiveness. What do you think is the relationship between revenge and forgiveness? Can you have one without the other? If so, how? Why do you think the concept of
revenge is so deeply imbedded in the mind of man?
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Forgiveness Part III Memories
One of the hardest obstacles to forgiveness may be the feeling that “I am unable to forgive because I can’t forget.” It is one thing to forgive, it is another
thing to learn to live with the memories of the hurts we received or caused. It is one thing to be forgiven and another to learn to live with the consequences of the hurt and damage sin has
caused.
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Freedom From Perfectionism
Behind many of today's domestic tragedies lies a socially acceptable behavior pattern that is overlooked by most, even Christians. Most all long term
emotional pain has been caused by this one negative personality characteristic. There are few Christian qualities that get confused more than the qualities of diligence, excellence, sacrifice,
and correctness as shown up in perfectionism. Perfectionism is often commented on by others as an admirable trait. These comments feed perfectionism in others.
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How God Uses Problems to Identify
Needs
Most actions stem from a need whether real or perceived. In the garden of Eden, man's needs were met completely. After sin entered, a huge
vacuum of unmet emotional and spiritual needs was created. Through a personal relationship with Christ all our basic needs that were lost in the garden are restored.
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How To Deal With Unresolved Conflict With Parents
Mark: In and out of special schools for kids with behavioral problems; literally thousands of dollars spent on his
rehabilitation; this kid was 17 when he came to Living Foundation Ministries for counseling. He was very smart but failing most of his classes.
Parents: Mother very controlling, critical, displayed little or no respect, always putting her son down, she had been a teacher and married a legal
professional who was gone a lot. Mother and son fought verbally and sometimes physically. Dad finally rented the kid an apartment and lived with him. The son reported he hated his mother.
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How To Gain Emotional Freedom
On February 1, 2003, the Space Shuttle, Columbia, disintegrated over Texas during re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere with the loss of all seven crew members,
shortly before it was scheduled to conclude its 28th mission. Of all of Columbia’s debris that was scattered over Texas, Louisiana and Arkansas, the one thing officials wanted most to recover was the
“black box” or flight recorder. By analyzing it, they hoped to determine what went wrong before it blew up. God has designed a “flight recorder” called the heart (lit. mind). All of life’s
events, thoughts, emotions, are recorded there. Our task is to go inside the heart (core belief system) and determine what is working and what is not working and adjust or correct what is not working
for us. Usually what is not working well for us is our negative emotions.
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How To Heal After Mate's Affair
There is no deeper wound in a marriage than an affair. Adultery potentially undoes the ideal relationship that God designed for a married man and
woman. Gen. 2:29, “…a man should leave his father and mother and be joined (“cling”) to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Matt. 5:19, “… Therefore, what God has joined together,
let no man separate” (regardless of the culture or religion, not just Christians). Marriage is a social institution designed by God. It is not a Christian institution.
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How To Heal From Religious or Spiritual Abuse
There are at least three basic realms of religious experience. Two of these three realms are mentally, emotionally and spiritually harmful or abusive.
The realm of spiritual abuse is usually in mainline Christian groups. They misuse Scripture to control people.
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How To Live With A Self-Centered Person
Everyone has some selfish tendencies but they can be reasoned with and can come to a mutually agreeable conclusion. The extreme self-centered person (narcissist) is
different.
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How To Rebuild From Failure
It would be great if after we became Christians we stopped making mistakes, failing, sinning or living in fear of failing. The sad reality is that we still
sin, fail and make mistakes with family, kids, spouse, church, job and friends.
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How to Respond to a Passive Angry Person
The overt angry person displays his anger openly; you can visually see and hear when he is angry. The passively angry person can be just as full of rage but
demonstrates it in covert, secret, subtle or devious ways. He exerts his will passively. He is full of anger but is not loud, harsh or ranting and raving. His is a master at acting
out his anger without the slightest hint of being agitated.
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How To Use The Tool Of Journaling
DEFINITION: A writing process that spontaneously makes notes of selected significant past and present events. It has been referred to as “an excellent way to
begin having a relationship with ourselves for perhaps the first time”. It is getting to know both the events and emotions of the past.
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Pornography
In the openness of the 1970s, pornography was viewed as harmless and even beneficial. In less than fifteen years the number of rapes doubled. 64% of
Christian men (in the church) struggle with sex addiction or sexual compulsion, pornography, compulsive masturbation, secret sexual activities. 25% had affairs (sexual intercourse), 14% had
sexual contact short of intercourse. 25% have abused alcohol or drugs; one third have not reached out to anyone for help because of embarrassment. Nearly every book in the New
Testament commands us to avoid sexual impurity.
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Reasoning Behind Suicide
There are seven suicides recorded in Scripture. All seven were men. In Scripture, we do not find any judgments on suicide. It is viewed as an act of deliberate self
destruction.
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Reducing Anger In Children
In a national survey of parents, 70% indicated that if they had it to do over again, they would not have children. Why? Parenting is painful. It’s
just plain tough
Restoring Lost Identity
Three major losses took place the moment Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the fruit that He clearly told them not to eat. God warned them of the results if they
did (Gen. 3:1-7). Satan instantly accomplished the biggest robbery in human history. By succeeding in getting them to sin, he stole their sense of personal worth, their purpose in life and their
identity. In the first century there were believers who attempted to get their identity validated by their association with certain people (I Cor. 1:12). God has restored the believer’s true
identity, not through other people, but through his relationship with Jesus Christ (Gal. 2:20; Phil. 1:21; Col. 3:3).
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Traps To Avoid When Choosing A Mate
Many couples who go for counseling have many personal issues that do not have anything to do with their mate. They brought these into the marriage and now these
issues affect the marriage.
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Ten Counseling Tips
A compilation of ten counseling tips in abbreviated format
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What Are Five Basic Aspects of Biblical Counseling?
Most people believe that counseling is giving information to people. But biblical counseling involves at least five basic aspects.
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What Are Five Benefits Believers Have to Work Through Problems in Living?
One of the biggest surprises that face new and older believers alike is the reality that they will still experience many of the same problems that non-believers
face. Couples who divorce or don’t divorce, argue over the same things. This is a big shock for most new and mature believers because they may have been given the false idea that everything in
their life would change for the good upon committing their life to Christ at salvation.
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What Are Four Characteristics of a Biblical Counselor?
There are two mental road blocks that prevent people from giving spiritual care to others. “Who am I to counsel others because I have so many problems myself?” and "I
wouldn't know what to say." Marlin once told me, “I would like to be able to counsel others, but I have problems of my own to solve before I can help others.” Marlin thought he had to be near
perfect before he could help others. So, if we don't need to be perfect to help others, what is God looking for? You might be surprised.
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Why Should Counselors be People of Holiness and Integrity?
Counselors in the USA are in the top three categories of professionals of those with a sex addiction. The other two categories are gynecologists and
pastors.
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