People Helper Tools

Here are the notes and tools you need to help yourself and also to help others. All documents are

in Adobe Reader PDF format. For a free Adobe Reader please visit www.adobe.com

Allow

The number one question counselees tend to ask when a major problem or crisis strikes them personally or someone close to them is, “why”? That’s a very normal response. It is one of the first issues addressed in both the Old and the New Testaments.

To read and study more download the document below.

Allow 111214 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [526.8 KB]

Anger, Unhealthy

God-designed emotions are a gift. They were designed by God at creation and they were declared “good.” They add color to life like the multi-colored rainbow. They can make life rich and full, but...

To read and study more download the document below.

Correct Unhealthy Anger LN 022908.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [235.2 KB]

Circles Of Responsibility

The concept of “Circles of Responsibility” is one of the most powerful biblical tools for working through conflict in any relationship. The principle of circles of responsibility is one of the ways of God for dealing with conflict.

To read and study more download the document below.

Circles of Responsibility 121715 LN.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [433.7 KB]

Biblical Pattern for Reconciliation

What is the Biblical pattern for reconciliation? Recognize and take ownership of all your sin and failures (and confess it as sin). Repent and change direction from your sin. Rebuild trust that you have destroyed because of your sin. Reconcile on the basis of healing from the hurts caused by the sin.

To read and study more download the document below.

Reconcilation, Biblical Pattern 112515 [...]
Adobe Acrobat document [368.0 KB]

Fair Communication Rules

Every relationship is bound to have conflicts which may include an argument or fight. This includes churches, schools, businesses and families – sons, daughters, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law.

To read and study more download the document below.

What are Ten Fair Communication Rules 10[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [413.1 KB]

Forgiveness-Part I-Anger

View one aspect of anger as a benefit. One of the common reasons anger is not viewed in any positive light is that there is so little written, spoken or taught from a positive perspective.

To read and study more download the document below.

Forgive-Anger-Part I 081215 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [330.7 KB]

Forgiveness-Part II - Revenge

One reason people find it hard to forgive is their deep desire for revenge for past hurts. Feelings of the need for revenge can be the back door to bring about forgiveness. What do you think is the relationship between revenge and forgiveness?. Can you have one without the other? If so, how?. Why do you think the concept of revenge is so deeply imbedded in the mind of man?

To read and study more download the document below.

Forgive-Revenge Part II 111214 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [441.4 KB]

Forgiveness Part III Memories

One of the hardest obstacles to forgiveness may be the feeling that “I am unable to forgive because I can’t forget.” It is one thing to forgive, it is another thing to learn to live with the memories of the hurts we received or caused. It is one thing to be forgiven and another to learn to live with the consequences of the hurt and damage sin has caused.

To read and study more download the document below.

Forgiveness - Memories Part III 111214 .[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [417.2 KB]

Freedom From Perfectionism

Behind many of today's domestic tragedies lies a socially acceptable behavior pattern that is overlooked by most, even Christians. Most all long term emotional pain has been caused by this one negative personality characteristic. There are few Christian qualities that get confused more than the qualities of diligence, excellence, sacrifice, and correctness as shown up in perfectionism. Perfectionism is often commented on by others as an admirable trait. These comments feed perfectionism in others.

To read and study more download the document below.

Perfectionism 100114 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [723.8 KB]

How God Uses Problems to Identify Needs

Most actions stem from a need whether real or perceived. In the garden of Eden, man's needs were met completely. After sin entered, a huge vacuum of unmet emotional and spiritual needs was created. Through a personal relationship with Christ all our basic needs that were lost in the garden are restored.

To read and study more download the document below.

Identify Needs 112816.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [636.0 KB]

How To Deal With Unresolved Conflict With Parents

Mark: In and out of special schools for kids with behavioral problems; literally thousands of dollars spent on his rehabilitation; this kid was 17 when he came to Living Foundation Ministries for counseling. He was very smart but failing most of his classes.

Parents: Mother very controlling, critical, displayed little or no respect, always putting her son down, she had been a teacher and married a legal professional who was gone a lot. Mother and son fought verbally and sometimes physically. Dad finally rented the kid an apartment and lived with him. The son reported he hated his mother.

To read and study more download the document below.

Youth Survive in Adult World 022714 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [547.6 KB]

How To Gain Emotional Freedom

On February 1, 2003, the Space Shuttle, Columbia, disintegrated over Texas during re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere with the loss of all seven crew members, shortly before it was scheduled to conclude its 28th mission. Of all of Columbia’s debris that was scattered over Texas, Louisiana and Arkansas, the one thing officials wanted most to recover was the “black box” or flight recorder.

By analyzing it, they hoped to determine what went wrong before it blew up. God has designed a “flight recorder” called the heart (lit. mind). All of life’s events, thoughts, emotions, are recorded there. Our task is to go inside the heart (core belief system) and determine what is working and what is not working and adjust or correct what is not working for us. Usually what is not working well for us is our negative emotions.

To read and study more download the document below.

Emotional Freedom 111114 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [604.5 KB]

How To Heal After Mate's Affair

There is no deeper wound in a marriage than an affair. Adultery potentially undoes the ideal relationship that God designed for a married man and woman. Gen. 2:29, “…a man should leave his father and mother and be joined (“cling”) to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Matt. 5:19, “.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate” (regardless of the culture or religion, not just Christians). Marriage is a social institution designed by God. It is not a Christian institution.

To read and study more download the document below.

How to Heal after Mate's Affair 021715 .[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [552.4 KB]

How To Heal From Religious or Spiritual Abuse

There are at least three basic realms of religious experience. Two of these three realms are mentally, emotionally and spiritually harmful or abusive. The realm of spiritual abuse is usually in mainline Christian groups. They misuse Scripture to control people.

To read and study more download the document below.

How to Heal from Religious Abuse 03181[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [413.6 KB]

How To Live With A Self-Centered Person

Everyone has some selfish tendencies but they can be reasoned with and can come to a mutually agreeable conclusion. The extreme self-centered person (narcissist) is different.

To read and study more download the document below.

How to Live with a Self-Centered Person [...]
Adobe Acrobat document [492.5 KB]

How To Rebuild From Failure

It would be great if after we became Christians we stopped making mistakes, failing, sinning or living in fear of failing. The sad reality is that we still sin, fail and make mistakes with family, kids, spouse, church, job and friends.

To read and study more download the document below.

How to Rebuild from Failure 012214 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [445.9 KB]

How to Respond to a Passive Angry Person

The overt angry person displays his anger openly; you can visually see and hear when he is angry. The passively angry person can be just as full of rage but demonstrates it in covert, secret, subtle or devious ways. He exerts his will passively. He is full of anger but is not loud, harsh or ranting and raving. His is a master at acting out his anger without the slightest hint of being agitated.

To read and study more download the document below.

How to Respond to Passive Angry Person 1[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [250.2 KB]

How To Use The Tool Of Journaling

DEFINITION: A writing process that spontaneously makes notes of selected significant past and present events. It has been referred to as “an excellent way to begin having a relationship with ourselves for perhaps the first time”. It is getting to know both the events and emotions of the past.

To read and study more download the document below.

Journaling 111214 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [269.8 KB]

Pornography

In the openness of the 1970s, pornography was viewed as harmless and even beneficial. In less than fifteen years the number of rapes doubled. 64% of Christian men (in the church) struggle with sex addiction or sexual compulsion, pornography, compulsive masturbation, secret sexual activities. 25% had affairs (sexual intercourse), 14% had sexual contact short of intercourse. 25% have abused alcohol or drugs; one third have not reached out to anyone for help because of embarrassment. Nearly every book in the New Testament commands us to avoid sexual impurity.

To read and study more download the document below.

Pornography
Pornography 031919.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [801.1 KB]

Reasoning Behind Suicide

There are seven suicides recorded in Scripture. All seven were men. In Scripture, we do not find any judgments on suicide. It is viewed as an act of deliberate self destruction.

To read and study more... download the document below.

Reasoning behind Suicide 110507 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [224.6 KB]

Reducing Anger In Children

In a national survey of parents, 70% indicated that if they had it to do over again, they would not have children. Why? Parenting is painful. It’s just plain tough

Reducing Anger In Children
Reducing Anger In Children.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [636.6 KB]

Restoring Lost Identity

Three major losses took place the moment Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the fruit that He clearly told them not to eat. God warned them of the results if they did (Gen. 3:1-7). Satan instantly accomplished the biggest robbery in human history. By succeeding in getting them to sin, he stole their sense of personal worth, their purpose in life and their identity. In the first century there were believers who attempted to get their identity validated by their association with certain people (I Cor. 1:12). God has restored the believer’s true identity, not through other people, but through his relationship with Jesus Christ (Gal. 2:20; Phil. 1:21; Col. 3:3).

To read and study more download the document below.

Restoring Lost Identity 082815.pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [708.4 KB]

Traps To Avoid When Choosing A Mate

Many couples who go for counseling have many personal issues that do not have anything to do with their mate. They brought these into the marriage and now these issues affect the marriage.

To read and study more download the document below.

Traps to Avoid 040115 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [575.2 KB]

Ten Counseling Tips

A compilation of ten counseling tips in abbreviated format

To read and study more download the document below.

Ten Counseling Tips w TOC 091310 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [308.5 KB]

What Are Five Basic Aspects of Biblical Counseling?

Most people believe that counseling is giving information to people. But biblical counseling involves at least five basic aspects.

To read and study more download the document below.

Five Aspects 111214 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [384.9 KB]

What Are Five Benefits Believers Have to Work Through Problems in Living?

One of the biggest surprises that face new and older believers alike is the reality that they will still experience many of the same problems that non-believers face. Couples who divorce or don’t divorce, argue over the same things. This is a big shock for most new and mature believers because they may have been given the false idea that everything in their life would change for the good upon committing their life to Christ at salvation.

To read and study more download the document below.

Benefits 111114 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [396.6 KB]

What Are Four Characteristics of a Biblical Counselor?

There are two mental road blocks that prevent people from giving spiritual care to others. “Who am I to counsel others because I have so many problems myself?” and "I wouldn't know what to say." Marlin once told me, “I would like to be able to counsel others, but I have problems of my own to solve before I can help others.” Marlin thought he had to be near perfect before he could help others. So, if we don't need to be perfect to help others, what is God looking for? You might be surprised.

To read and study more download the document below.

Four Characteristics of Counselor 091714[...]
Adobe Acrobat document [663.5 KB]

Why Should Counselors be People of Holiness and Integrity?

Counselors in the USA are in the top three categories of professionals of those with a sex addiction. The other two categories are gynecologists and pastors.

To read and study more download the document below.

Integrity 030306 .pdf
Adobe Acrobat document [386.3 KB]

People Helper Tools

Allow

Anger, Unhealthy

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